Yes, the news is true, we are having another baby in July. I don't exactly know what we were thinking but I think it's good news, right? We did kind of plan it but who knew that it would happen that fast. I told my husband that we should be bottling and selling this stuff because we don't have any problem making babies when we want to.
Okay my pregnancy hasn't been the easiest because I woke up and took a pregnancy test like 5 times to be sure that I really was pregnant. It was like being a teenager all over again and you have the panic so you keep taking them and spending $20 a pop for something that reads the same answer everytime, YES you idiot...you're pregnant! I just have a hard time believing that it all can happen so fast but I guess it only takes one try.
After the initial shock that I was pregnant I had to reflect back on moments like when I was 8 months pregnant with my son and went to try on shoes for the hope that at least my shoe would be the same size. I had a hard time bending over to see the boots that I was trying but I loved long boots and since they were on sale it would be a great buy. The main issue is that I tried them on and couldn't get them off. I sat there for a moment wondering what to do and then did what I always do when I can't get something off...PANIC. I broke out into a pregnancy sweat and continued to pull but they just wouldn't come loose. The nice man behind the counter at Macy's saw my struggle and came over to help. It was nothing less then embarressing but at 8 months pregnant, what isn't? The salesman couldn't get them off of my swollen fat pregnant legs either. I was a pig in a blanket to say the least. The man finally confessed that he would just cut them off for me when the sweat seemed to help glide the boot off but not before breaking the zipper. The audience that I seemed to get during my pull and panic were quite pleased when I finally got those boots off and could leave the area. It was a pregnancy day to be remembered and a good lesson to all of those out there that think pregnancy is beautiful...not always!
I have to go because my four year old son is out in the yard yelling, "SPORT (our lab) IS EATING POOP". I'm sure that the neighbors appreciate hearing what is happening over at our house. I know that I enjoy these moments as it humbles me and allows me to reflect on the moments of the newborn coming and how the baby won't be able to talk for at least 6 months or so.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Kindergarten or College?
Is it really that hard to decide where to put your child for kindergarten? I will answer that for you, YES! The competition is unbelievable, the pressure is unbareable, the parents are relentless, the schools are full, the kids are competitive. What is it that is driving this force? Americans wanting their kids to be the smartest with the best jobs and support them at a ripe old age of 40. My son already has more money for college then I had saved my entire life. I didn't put it there for him, it's his grandparents that did it. My grandma opened a fund for me but we never received it because we only got the money if we died. I thought it was a college fund but it turned out later that she was putting money towards life insurance in case we died. What would we need money for after we were dead? I don't get it!
Okay back to the kindergarten stuff. We have talked to parents that are holding their children back a year from kindergarten hoping that socially they will be ready and smarter because they will be older. We have others like us who feel that its better to put them in a little early in case anything happens and they have to miss some school or stay back a year for whatever reason. We don't want our son to be 20 and graduating high school. These conversations go on daily around the neighborhood, "Should we put them in school, Should we hold them back?"
I for one am tired of the entire thing. The home schooling is sounding better everyday. If I was a little smarter and could find my way around town then I might actually decide to teach him myself. I don't think at this point that I even trust my education growing up. I wish my grandma would have turned in that life insurance policy for some college funds and I might have been able attend a college other than Chico State.
Okay back to the kindergarten stuff. We have talked to parents that are holding their children back a year from kindergarten hoping that socially they will be ready and smarter because they will be older. We have others like us who feel that its better to put them in a little early in case anything happens and they have to miss some school or stay back a year for whatever reason. We don't want our son to be 20 and graduating high school. These conversations go on daily around the neighborhood, "Should we put them in school, Should we hold them back?"
I for one am tired of the entire thing. The home schooling is sounding better everyday. If I was a little smarter and could find my way around town then I might actually decide to teach him myself. I don't think at this point that I even trust my education growing up. I wish my grandma would have turned in that life insurance policy for some college funds and I might have been able attend a college other than Chico State.
Who peed in the trash?
I woke up to the site of pee in the upstairs garbage can in my bathroom this morning. I wondered if it possibly could be something else but sitting on the toilet myself and staring at the floor there was no question in my mind that it for sure was urine. I quickly started to think about why someone would decide to pee in the trash and especially since the trash can was a wicker basket that would just drip on to the floor. I would hope that my husband had better judgement then that and then my four year old walked in and spilled the beans. He said something to this affect, "Mama, I peed in your garbage can this morning." He said it with great pride as though he had done something that I would be really proud of. I was so furious and wondered what could have possibly went through his little mind to make him do such a thing so I asked him. "Why would you pee in the garbage can". He laughed and said that he really didn't know but he just did it. I calmly yelled, "YOU NEVER PEE IN THE GARBAGE. WE ONLY PEE IN THE TOILET". I think he understood as I went to get a towel to clean up the mess on the floor. The garbage can is now sitting in the backyard waiting to be washed out. I hope my next one is a girl because for the life of me, I never remember having the ability to squat over a garbage can and pee. I can't take much more of this "boy fun".
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Big Mouth
It really gets hard to control things once your child is old enough to make comments on their own. I find that my son is very verbal and likes to let me know "out loud" when he notices something about someone else. It's usually an uncomfortable situation for my husband and I because kids can be brutally honest and don't really get the concept at this age of "what is socially appropriate and what isn't".
So here are the things that I find really hard to ignore with a four year old:
1. I was dropping off my son at daycare and he told the nice little girl who said Hi to him that morning that he hated her. It wouldn't have been so bad but the dad asked me what he said. I told him that he's going through a stage where he really doesn't like girls. My son then tells him that he isn't and that he just hates her!
2. When I take my son to the bathroom now he gives me a blow by blow of what is happening in the restroom as though it's a sporting event. "Mom, my pee pee is not going down and the pee isn't coming. Oh, here is comes and did you hear that fart." "Mom, do you fart like that." Oh man look in the potty at my poop. It's HUGE and stinky, do you like it stinky mama." That was the biggest poop ever. Just like you and Papa, huh mama? You have big poop, right? Mama, can you wipe my butt? No not like that, it's too hard. My butt is hurting now, can you get some water and put it on my butt? MAMA, you go pee now...do you have to poop?" Don't use this bathroom, go into the other bathroom".
3. My son is now taking notice to the differences in other people. "Mama, why is that man so little?" "Lets go talk to that little man, he looks like the little people on TV" or when he eats something that makes him full, "Mama, look at my belly, it's as big as grandpa's belly". This is usually right in front of the person. Like when he told his other grandpa, "Poppy, your belly is as big as my other grandpa's" or when he told my mom, "I don't love you as much as I love grandpa".
4. He also LOVES to talk to strangers. We had the discussion about what a stranger is but my son believes that once you talk to someone they aren't really a stranger anymore. He has a point but not exactly what I want him to argue about. Like when a man in the grocery store said hi to him and he said back to the man, "Mama and I are going home because my papa is out flying and we are going to make dinner and do you want to come over for dinner". OMG! Then there was the time that he told some random elderly person that he was really old. He even blurts out things like, "Mama, I just farted and I might have pooped a little too."
5. At birthday parties he likes to be really honest and yell out things like, "Mama, does this birthday party have any cake?" or things like, "When is the party going to start" and then I have to inform him that it already did. He also tells people if he's not having fun or that the party isn't quite up to what he was expecting. He also rates the presents and tells the kids if he thinks something that they received wasn't very cool.
6. My son just recently started answering the phone for us which you would think would be great. It's not because no matter what you're doing or who you don't want to talk to...your kids will tell them the truth. "Oh my mama, is right here but she says she doesn't want to talk to you right now." Oh the last time that he answered the phone I told him that I was going to the bathroom and that I couldn't come to the phone when it rang. He proceeded to answer the phone anway and I could hear him telling the person on the other end of the phone this, "My mama is pooping right now so she can't come to the phone. Do you want to wait for her to stop pooping." I thought that I was going to die and prayed that the person on the other end of the phone was either my parents or my husbands. He came into the bathroom and handed me the phone and I did what anyone who was using the restroom at the time would do, I hung up! I later found out it was a headhunter...needless to say that I didn't get that job either. I'm destined to be a stay at home mom forever!
So here are the things that I find really hard to ignore with a four year old:
1. I was dropping off my son at daycare and he told the nice little girl who said Hi to him that morning that he hated her. It wouldn't have been so bad but the dad asked me what he said. I told him that he's going through a stage where he really doesn't like girls. My son then tells him that he isn't and that he just hates her!
2. When I take my son to the bathroom now he gives me a blow by blow of what is happening in the restroom as though it's a sporting event. "Mom, my pee pee is not going down and the pee isn't coming. Oh, here is comes and did you hear that fart." "Mom, do you fart like that." Oh man look in the potty at my poop. It's HUGE and stinky, do you like it stinky mama." That was the biggest poop ever. Just like you and Papa, huh mama? You have big poop, right? Mama, can you wipe my butt? No not like that, it's too hard. My butt is hurting now, can you get some water and put it on my butt? MAMA, you go pee now...do you have to poop?" Don't use this bathroom, go into the other bathroom".
3. My son is now taking notice to the differences in other people. "Mama, why is that man so little?" "Lets go talk to that little man, he looks like the little people on TV" or when he eats something that makes him full, "Mama, look at my belly, it's as big as grandpa's belly". This is usually right in front of the person. Like when he told his other grandpa, "Poppy, your belly is as big as my other grandpa's" or when he told my mom, "I don't love you as much as I love grandpa".
4. He also LOVES to talk to strangers. We had the discussion about what a stranger is but my son believes that once you talk to someone they aren't really a stranger anymore. He has a point but not exactly what I want him to argue about. Like when a man in the grocery store said hi to him and he said back to the man, "Mama and I are going home because my papa is out flying and we are going to make dinner and do you want to come over for dinner". OMG! Then there was the time that he told some random elderly person that he was really old. He even blurts out things like, "Mama, I just farted and I might have pooped a little too."
5. At birthday parties he likes to be really honest and yell out things like, "Mama, does this birthday party have any cake?" or things like, "When is the party going to start" and then I have to inform him that it already did. He also tells people if he's not having fun or that the party isn't quite up to what he was expecting. He also rates the presents and tells the kids if he thinks something that they received wasn't very cool.
6. My son just recently started answering the phone for us which you would think would be great. It's not because no matter what you're doing or who you don't want to talk to...your kids will tell them the truth. "Oh my mama, is right here but she says she doesn't want to talk to you right now." Oh the last time that he answered the phone I told him that I was going to the bathroom and that I couldn't come to the phone when it rang. He proceeded to answer the phone anway and I could hear him telling the person on the other end of the phone this, "My mama is pooping right now so she can't come to the phone. Do you want to wait for her to stop pooping." I thought that I was going to die and prayed that the person on the other end of the phone was either my parents or my husbands. He came into the bathroom and handed me the phone and I did what anyone who was using the restroom at the time would do, I hung up! I later found out it was a headhunter...needless to say that I didn't get that job either. I'm destined to be a stay at home mom forever!
Play Dates
I have to say as a thirty something mom...I don't really get the play date thing. When I was a kid and you wanted to play with someone you just went to the house, rang the door bell and asked the kid if they wanted to play. They would make a decision and then you went outside in the front yard and played chase or ball or something that kept the two of you entertained long enough before your parents called your name and you had to come inside. Now I get that at four it's young to have a child outside these days without supervision BUT I still don't get the scheduling of the play dates. It's a big thing around here. You have to be penciled in and the parent checks to be sure that its an okay time for them and then work around nap time and daycare and snack time and quiet time and I don't know what else people can possibly come up with. Oh yeah, there is also family time where the kid has to spend the entire day with just his brothers and sisters ...I bet they think that is fun since they do that every day of the week. Parents should re-evaluate these times, well that is my opinion. The only other "time" that my son gets besides his scheduled daycare, bedtime and 3 meals of the day is - time out time when he can't seem to get his act together.
I once had a play date for my son and his little girlfriend that he likes to play with came over to play some games. We scheduled it because my son was in a full body cast from falling and breaking his femur bone and since he couldn't go to the park to play, we did the usual schedule a play date thing. The little girl came to our house and she brought a game to play. They were both three at the time and just weeks apart. Everything seemed to be going fine until they got into an argument when the game broke and the elephants head wouldn't push down anymore. They both tried to push the head and started to grab at the toy. The mom frantically started to push down the head as well and discovered it was broken. She could sense the kids frustration and paniced as she started to once again get the head down and ease the tension of the play date. This didn't happen and the little girl grabbed the elephant from my son. He couldn't move being in a body cast and laying on the couch so he did the next thing he could to get everyones attention and he clocked her right in the mouth. I of course couldn't believe it and react poorly to uncomfortable situations so I laughed. The other mom didn't and was really upset by it all and the play date ended ubruptly with the mom calling out as she left, "this had to be the worst play date in history". I did however, scold my son for hitting his friend and we called her house before once she left to leave an appology on the answering machine. We have scheduled play dates since but we usually go out to the park.
I think that I have the play date thing worked out now that my son is four. I take him to the park and wait for kids to show up and then they play. It's easy enough for me and we don't have to schedule anything in a calendar and we don't have to listen to another mom tell us how we interupted the much needed family time. It's just about going to the park for a quick game of chase and some bike rides around the circle. When I hear the other children start to whine about snack time then we pack up our stuff head back to our house for some TV time for my son and quiet time for mom. It's great to know that in the end, the parents control what time it is. I know that the day will soon come that all of this ends but for now, I'm enjoying my time!
I once had a play date for my son and his little girlfriend that he likes to play with came over to play some games. We scheduled it because my son was in a full body cast from falling and breaking his femur bone and since he couldn't go to the park to play, we did the usual schedule a play date thing. The little girl came to our house and she brought a game to play. They were both three at the time and just weeks apart. Everything seemed to be going fine until they got into an argument when the game broke and the elephants head wouldn't push down anymore. They both tried to push the head and started to grab at the toy. The mom frantically started to push down the head as well and discovered it was broken. She could sense the kids frustration and paniced as she started to once again get the head down and ease the tension of the play date. This didn't happen and the little girl grabbed the elephant from my son. He couldn't move being in a body cast and laying on the couch so he did the next thing he could to get everyones attention and he clocked her right in the mouth. I of course couldn't believe it and react poorly to uncomfortable situations so I laughed. The other mom didn't and was really upset by it all and the play date ended ubruptly with the mom calling out as she left, "this had to be the worst play date in history". I did however, scold my son for hitting his friend and we called her house before once she left to leave an appology on the answering machine. We have scheduled play dates since but we usually go out to the park.
I think that I have the play date thing worked out now that my son is four. I take him to the park and wait for kids to show up and then they play. It's easy enough for me and we don't have to schedule anything in a calendar and we don't have to listen to another mom tell us how we interupted the much needed family time. It's just about going to the park for a quick game of chase and some bike rides around the circle. When I hear the other children start to whine about snack time then we pack up our stuff head back to our house for some TV time for my son and quiet time for mom. It's great to know that in the end, the parents control what time it is. I know that the day will soon come that all of this ends but for now, I'm enjoying my time!
Do they ever really get potty trained?
Okay so I have to say that the potty training really never stops OR should I say the accidents never really stop. My son tells me almost weekly that he thinks he had a little accident in his pants. I'm always thinking that he's four and these things happen but then he tells me that he needs to "haul butt" to the bathroom and before he gets his pants down he blows out all over the floor and on my nice white toilet seat. Why does this happen? Well, I have come to the conclusion after hanging out with many of my mom friends that boys like to hold things until its too late. They prefer playing over taking care of business and I have to say that my husband still likes to wait up until we are going to leave to go somewhere before he announces that he has to sit on the throne. It wouldn't be so bad if he was as quick as me and just got in and got out BUT noooooo, he has to stay on that throne for at least 20 minutes to 1/2 hour before he feels complete. Why is that I wonder? Hmmmm, maybe it's his alone time but regardless I have to say that it sure irritates me when I'm the one waiting by the door with my purse in hand. This is why I feel my son never really grasped the concept of proper potty etiquette. You can't wait until the last minute to go because accidents will happen.
So this brings me to our recent bike ride where he wanted to take his bike up to town for a hot chocolate and whatever else he could beg me to buy in the sugar department. We went to the local bakery and I let him pick out his goods and of course he didn't eat any of them. I ended up eating all of it as usual and the reason why having kids puts weight on you and not off you...don't listen to the mom's who tell you chasing kids will get the weight off- LIES!
On our way home from our bike ride I always remember to tell my son to stop at all the street corners and not to venture out in the street on his own. This time was different, he turned to me and said, "Mom, we need to haul butt home and no stopping along the way for streets. I have to poop and it's coming NOW". I didn't argue with my 4 year old and we quickly jumped on our bikes and started to ride. Every corner my son yelled, "Can I go into the street?" I would check and let him ride across because I was probably more scared of the accident about to happen then he was. I would be the one of course to clean everything up.
We finally made it home and just as I expected...he pulled down his pants and right before he hit the toilet the explosion happened all over the floor and all over the bathroom seat. It was off to the bath for another clean up and quick refresher on not waiting too long to go.
I have a feeling that I will be cleaning up poop for a long time! Ahhhh, pooping and parenting go together like a hand in a glove!
So this brings me to our recent bike ride where he wanted to take his bike up to town for a hot chocolate and whatever else he could beg me to buy in the sugar department. We went to the local bakery and I let him pick out his goods and of course he didn't eat any of them. I ended up eating all of it as usual and the reason why having kids puts weight on you and not off you...don't listen to the mom's who tell you chasing kids will get the weight off- LIES!
On our way home from our bike ride I always remember to tell my son to stop at all the street corners and not to venture out in the street on his own. This time was different, he turned to me and said, "Mom, we need to haul butt home and no stopping along the way for streets. I have to poop and it's coming NOW". I didn't argue with my 4 year old and we quickly jumped on our bikes and started to ride. Every corner my son yelled, "Can I go into the street?" I would check and let him ride across because I was probably more scared of the accident about to happen then he was. I would be the one of course to clean everything up.
We finally made it home and just as I expected...he pulled down his pants and right before he hit the toilet the explosion happened all over the floor and all over the bathroom seat. It was off to the bath for another clean up and quick refresher on not waiting too long to go.
I have a feeling that I will be cleaning up poop for a long time! Ahhhh, pooping and parenting go together like a hand in a glove!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Back at Swim Class
Guess what? We started our second session of swim class today. It actually went pretty smooth. My son graduated to actually using a noodle in the pool and he was jumping in without pulling my top off. I call that progress. The only slight issue was that half way through the class he started grunting and I knew that he had to go poop. In fact he was doing it right there and then in the pool. I yelled for him to stop and he grunted and turned red again. We jumped out of the pool and ran for the bathroom. He did go a little in the swim diaper but saved up some for the potty as well so he yelled a few embarrassing sentences like, "Mama, you go poop too now." And then he followed up with, "Mommy, stop wiping my butt so hard, it hurts." Then the last one which was the worst, "Oh MOMMY, you dropped some of my poop on the floor." Yeah, having kids is great!
We ran back to the pool quickly as the class is only 25 minutes long and I believe our bathroom visit took up about 15 minutes or so. Once we jumped back in the pool, one of the other kids seemed to have swallowed too much water. His mom dunked him under the water and he came up choking and didn't stop until I saw projectile vomit fly out of his mouth. His mom tried to catch it as any good mom would do but I did see quite a bit land in the pool. The little boy followed up with, "Mommy, I barfed in the pool". It was now official...he barfed and we were all swimming in it. The smell alone almost made me drown but we motored on and finished out the class. It didn't seem to bother my son one bit.
Later in the woman's locker room, my son stood next to me while I quickly dressed. I was smart this time and made him get ready outside before attempting to take him into the locker room. In fact, I would have done the same except that I can't take my clothes off by the pool without others stopping to wonder what the hell I was doing. The barfer was inside the locker room getting ready and his mom apparently didn't mind getting him dressed inside. He wasn't the one yelling, "that woman has a poopy butt" last swim session. My son walked over to his naked friend and said to him in front of all of the old ladies, "Is that your butt?" The little boy replied with, "No, it's my penis". My son then yelled as loud as possible, "That is your penis?" The little boy replied, "Yes, it's not my butt. Where is your penis?" The mom was calm and told both of the boys that she thought they were funny. I on the other hand, yelled to my son, "Get over here." Again, I quickly threw on my bra and ran for the locker room exit. The older ladies looked as horrified as ever and I quickly thought about how I could avoid the locker room all together next time.
We ran back to the pool quickly as the class is only 25 minutes long and I believe our bathroom visit took up about 15 minutes or so. Once we jumped back in the pool, one of the other kids seemed to have swallowed too much water. His mom dunked him under the water and he came up choking and didn't stop until I saw projectile vomit fly out of his mouth. His mom tried to catch it as any good mom would do but I did see quite a bit land in the pool. The little boy followed up with, "Mommy, I barfed in the pool". It was now official...he barfed and we were all swimming in it. The smell alone almost made me drown but we motored on and finished out the class. It didn't seem to bother my son one bit.
Later in the woman's locker room, my son stood next to me while I quickly dressed. I was smart this time and made him get ready outside before attempting to take him into the locker room. In fact, I would have done the same except that I can't take my clothes off by the pool without others stopping to wonder what the hell I was doing. The barfer was inside the locker room getting ready and his mom apparently didn't mind getting him dressed inside. He wasn't the one yelling, "that woman has a poopy butt" last swim session. My son walked over to his naked friend and said to him in front of all of the old ladies, "Is that your butt?" The little boy replied with, "No, it's my penis". My son then yelled as loud as possible, "That is your penis?" The little boy replied, "Yes, it's not my butt. Where is your penis?" The mom was calm and told both of the boys that she thought they were funny. I on the other hand, yelled to my son, "Get over here." Again, I quickly threw on my bra and ran for the locker room exit. The older ladies looked as horrified as ever and I quickly thought about how I could avoid the locker room all together next time.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Risotto
I have to admit that I gave up for a while on looking for a job. It's more work then actually having a job and not to mention more depressing. You go for an interview and put yourself on display to only be critiqued by people who already have a job. It's really humiliating as they ask you questions like, " Would you be willing to work long hours and travel tons and all for little to no pay". You look at them and answer with a smile, "Of course. " When inside your really thinking that it would be great to only work a few days a week and spend time with your child and it would also be even better if the job didn't require any travel and paid twice what you were making at your last position. Funny how life doesn't seem to work out that way! Which brings me to my interview yesterday.
Hmmm, looking , looking, looking for something that fits my fat ass and I can wear to my second interview of the week. Yes, of course they loved me the first day... don't they always. It's the second day that you have to worry about and now I get to go for my second day of humiliation but this time it's with the big wig in the company. Oh and we are doing what I hate more than anything, a lunch interview. How does that work? You shove your face full of food and then someone starts grilling you with questions on how you can help their company. I never get the lunch meeting and frankly, I could live the rest of my life never going to another one. I'm more of the type that likes to get the business out of the way and go to lunch with friends. I now know why. I was at my lunch interview and the man begins being rude to the wait staff and they of course think that I actually know the man that I'm with. He goes on to tell me what I should order...he suggests that I order a salad. He even mentions that the place is pricey and that he would never have taken me there or anyone else that he works with because the food is too high in price but the atmosphere is nice and it's a good place to come because nobody else at the job can afford to eat there. He wouldn't have to worry about them seeing us interviewing. I thought, "Hmmm, this is really nice. Not only am I being told what to order but the guy is really a tight ass". He smiles and suggests a salad (cheapest thing on the menu) once again. I nod my head and smile and then he says, " You could order the Risotto if you have nothing else to do but go home and nap all day". At that point my husband said I should have ordered it and told him that I didn't have a job so I might as well order Risotto. I on the other hand needed the job so I said, "I will have the salmon salad, please".
Lunch went horrible and I quickly tried to close my bag after lunch as he asked me another gut wrenching question, "Can you travel for weeks at a time without your family minding?" Ahhh, I thought about his question and since I don't really want to be traveling tons I yelled out, "Ohhhh, sure, I use to travel tons with my last company and it was never an issue". The guilt set in and I just wanted to get out of there and home. On the way back to the office...we walked to the restaurant and most likely so he could save on gas money. He whispered to me that he hoped I wasn't looking for much money and that the job would entail long hours and hard work. I thought about how much all of that sounded too familiar. The stay at home mom thing was sounding better every minute.
I got back to my car and turned on the radio and sang to myself the rest of the ride home. All I wanted was a cold beer and funny enough...a little Risotto.
Hmmm, looking , looking, looking for something that fits my fat ass and I can wear to my second interview of the week. Yes, of course they loved me the first day... don't they always. It's the second day that you have to worry about and now I get to go for my second day of humiliation but this time it's with the big wig in the company. Oh and we are doing what I hate more than anything, a lunch interview. How does that work? You shove your face full of food and then someone starts grilling you with questions on how you can help their company. I never get the lunch meeting and frankly, I could live the rest of my life never going to another one. I'm more of the type that likes to get the business out of the way and go to lunch with friends. I now know why. I was at my lunch interview and the man begins being rude to the wait staff and they of course think that I actually know the man that I'm with. He goes on to tell me what I should order...he suggests that I order a salad. He even mentions that the place is pricey and that he would never have taken me there or anyone else that he works with because the food is too high in price but the atmosphere is nice and it's a good place to come because nobody else at the job can afford to eat there. He wouldn't have to worry about them seeing us interviewing. I thought, "Hmmm, this is really nice. Not only am I being told what to order but the guy is really a tight ass". He smiles and suggests a salad (cheapest thing on the menu) once again. I nod my head and smile and then he says, " You could order the Risotto if you have nothing else to do but go home and nap all day". At that point my husband said I should have ordered it and told him that I didn't have a job so I might as well order Risotto. I on the other hand needed the job so I said, "I will have the salmon salad, please".
Lunch went horrible and I quickly tried to close my bag after lunch as he asked me another gut wrenching question, "Can you travel for weeks at a time without your family minding?" Ahhh, I thought about his question and since I don't really want to be traveling tons I yelled out, "Ohhhh, sure, I use to travel tons with my last company and it was never an issue". The guilt set in and I just wanted to get out of there and home. On the way back to the office...we walked to the restaurant and most likely so he could save on gas money. He whispered to me that he hoped I wasn't looking for much money and that the job would entail long hours and hard work. I thought about how much all of that sounded too familiar. The stay at home mom thing was sounding better every minute.
I got back to my car and turned on the radio and sang to myself the rest of the ride home. All I wanted was a cold beer and funny enough...a little Risotto.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
More than one Accident
People talk about how much kids change your life or that it's not your life anymore once you bring a child into the world. The one thing that nobody seems to mention is the amount of excitement and spontaneity that it brings, which brings me to my next subject... Accidents! It's one thing when you or your husband fall and get hurt but it's a totally different thing when it happens to you child. The first thing that you do is look at each other to decide who to blame. This time was different and there was nobody to blame because the darn thing was just a freak accident.
Our son was playing in the house and running with his stick horse yelling, "giddy up, giddy up horsie". My husband and I were both sick in the 112 degree weather and laying on opposite couches in the family room. Our son ran by and tripped on the stick of the horse and fell right into the fireplace ledge. His forehead hit the middle of the wood just right and we heard a big thump! My husband picked him up and held him as he cried with his hands over the spot where he hit. When he pulled his hands off I heard my husband make a "Urgh!" noise. He pointed the head at me where all the blood was dripping down his little face. It looked like someone hit him with an ax. The poor little guy was really hurt and we did what every good parent does...we panicked. My husband ran him to the sink and I grabbed a towel and told him to put it over the wound to stop the bleeding. He added pressure so we could see how deep the cut actually was and stitches were in order. My husband ran to the car and I ran in and out of the house four times looking for shoes, a wallet, car keys, etc. It's funny how fast you can actually find things when your child is in need. I jumped into the drivers seat and we were off and running. My husband just held him in his arms and my son wasn't crying but asking if he was going to get num num's after the hospital. It was like a drunk asking for a beer.
We got to the hospital and I realized that since we were potty training that day, we didn't have any diapers on him. He was in his underwear and was most likely going to pee all over the hospital. The doctor was in the front when we arrived and didn't even bat an eye at the blood runnng down our sons face. He kept watching the tennis match on TV and we sat in the waiting room just letting the blood cover the shirts of my son and husband. Waiting, waiting, waiting! At that moment as a parent you want to yell, "EXCUSE ME BUT DOES ANYONE CARE THAT MY SON'S HEAD IS SPLIT OPEN AND HIS BRAINS MIGHT BE FALLING OUT ON YOUR EMERGENCY ROOM FLOOR". I guess not because we were called in about 5 minutes later and sent to a room...calmly.
A male nurse came in the room to take my son's vital signs and my son asked me, "What is that lady doing?" Now I'm sure that male nurses have an issue with being called ladies and my son didn't purposely do this as he calls everyone a lady...even the Harley man at the gas station. It really is embarrassing to say the least to have to say in front of them, "No honey, that isn't a lady it's a man...see his mustache"? The man just smiled and my son asked me to rock a bye baby him (which in his terms means to hold him and rock him back and forth). We waited and finally the doctor came in after my son's head was shaved by the male nurse and his vital signs taken. We were all barking like dogs because of our colds so I'm sure they wanted to get us out quickly. I asked my son if he had to use the restroom (to avoid the accident waiting to happen) but he said no and then opted to try it because the bathroom looked cool. He didn't go!
The doctor asked me to hold him and his arms down while he stitched it up. I was shaking but my son was fine and not even a tear. He watched the needle go in and out and waited for the doctor to finish. It was all done in about 50 minutes and we were headed out when we heard the ambulance pull up with an elderly lady inside. The doctors rushed around and the male nurse asked what the case coming in was and the reply went like this, "uhhh, it's an extreme case of constipation." They didn't even bat an eyelash...I was like, "WHAT"? The doctors all sat there with a toddler who was bleeding out the head and the lady who can't take a shit is rushed in by ambulance...something is seriously wrong with our healthcare system.
We went home and no potty accident and no crying...it was perfect. Then about a half hour after being home my husband comes in to get me off of the phone with my parents. It seems that my son decided not to use his potty even after we got home to the convenience of his own potty. He hid in the corner and went in his new underwear. These aren't potty training undies but the thin kind that most of us wear. My husband giggled and went into the house as I carried my son into the backyard and ripped off his soiled pants. Yes, it was a blow out in the shorts with an ending of a solid turd. I looked at my husband who watched from the inside and asked if I should throw the soiled pants away. He smiles and says, "No, just rinse them out". I don't know why I listened but I did and I was hosing kids, dogs, undies and shorts for what seemed hours. My son laughed and ran through the yard naked and wet. My husband had stopped watching and went on with his day and there I stood cleaning up all of the shit once again!
Our son was playing in the house and running with his stick horse yelling, "giddy up, giddy up horsie". My husband and I were both sick in the 112 degree weather and laying on opposite couches in the family room. Our son ran by and tripped on the stick of the horse and fell right into the fireplace ledge. His forehead hit the middle of the wood just right and we heard a big thump! My husband picked him up and held him as he cried with his hands over the spot where he hit. When he pulled his hands off I heard my husband make a "Urgh!" noise. He pointed the head at me where all the blood was dripping down his little face. It looked like someone hit him with an ax. The poor little guy was really hurt and we did what every good parent does...we panicked. My husband ran him to the sink and I grabbed a towel and told him to put it over the wound to stop the bleeding. He added pressure so we could see how deep the cut actually was and stitches were in order. My husband ran to the car and I ran in and out of the house four times looking for shoes, a wallet, car keys, etc. It's funny how fast you can actually find things when your child is in need. I jumped into the drivers seat and we were off and running. My husband just held him in his arms and my son wasn't crying but asking if he was going to get num num's after the hospital. It was like a drunk asking for a beer.
We got to the hospital and I realized that since we were potty training that day, we didn't have any diapers on him. He was in his underwear and was most likely going to pee all over the hospital. The doctor was in the front when we arrived and didn't even bat an eye at the blood runnng down our sons face. He kept watching the tennis match on TV and we sat in the waiting room just letting the blood cover the shirts of my son and husband. Waiting, waiting, waiting! At that moment as a parent you want to yell, "EXCUSE ME BUT DOES ANYONE CARE THAT MY SON'S HEAD IS SPLIT OPEN AND HIS BRAINS MIGHT BE FALLING OUT ON YOUR EMERGENCY ROOM FLOOR". I guess not because we were called in about 5 minutes later and sent to a room...calmly.
A male nurse came in the room to take my son's vital signs and my son asked me, "What is that lady doing?" Now I'm sure that male nurses have an issue with being called ladies and my son didn't purposely do this as he calls everyone a lady...even the Harley man at the gas station. It really is embarrassing to say the least to have to say in front of them, "No honey, that isn't a lady it's a man...see his mustache"? The man just smiled and my son asked me to rock a bye baby him (which in his terms means to hold him and rock him back and forth). We waited and finally the doctor came in after my son's head was shaved by the male nurse and his vital signs taken. We were all barking like dogs because of our colds so I'm sure they wanted to get us out quickly. I asked my son if he had to use the restroom (to avoid the accident waiting to happen) but he said no and then opted to try it because the bathroom looked cool. He didn't go!
The doctor asked me to hold him and his arms down while he stitched it up. I was shaking but my son was fine and not even a tear. He watched the needle go in and out and waited for the doctor to finish. It was all done in about 50 minutes and we were headed out when we heard the ambulance pull up with an elderly lady inside. The doctors rushed around and the male nurse asked what the case coming in was and the reply went like this, "uhhh, it's an extreme case of constipation." They didn't even bat an eyelash...I was like, "WHAT"? The doctors all sat there with a toddler who was bleeding out the head and the lady who can't take a shit is rushed in by ambulance...something is seriously wrong with our healthcare system.
We went home and no potty accident and no crying...it was perfect. Then about a half hour after being home my husband comes in to get me off of the phone with my parents. It seems that my son decided not to use his potty even after we got home to the convenience of his own potty. He hid in the corner and went in his new underwear. These aren't potty training undies but the thin kind that most of us wear. My husband giggled and went into the house as I carried my son into the backyard and ripped off his soiled pants. Yes, it was a blow out in the shorts with an ending of a solid turd. I looked at my husband who watched from the inside and asked if I should throw the soiled pants away. He smiles and says, "No, just rinse them out". I don't know why I listened but I did and I was hosing kids, dogs, undies and shorts for what seemed hours. My son laughed and ran through the yard naked and wet. My husband had stopped watching and went on with his day and there I stood cleaning up all of the shit once again!
Thursday, July 13, 2006
There is an "I" in discipline
Okay I finally had to hide the pooper scooper. It seemed like a good idea at the time but now I'm really thinking that a heavy shovel or something less shiny and attractive to the eye would have been much better. Then again a shovel would hurt the dogs much worse then getting hit on the head with a pooper scooper. My son is infatuated by the pooper scooper. When I look outside, he has it in hand and is heading right for the dog poop run or one of the dogs. It wouldn't be such a big thing except for the fact that he doesn't know how to use it and if he using it on one of the dogs...it could kill them. I'm tired of dealing with the aftermath of the poop covered hands, unhappy dogs and dog shit shoes. I chucked it across the garage and I'm not even sure where it is now but I do know that all day long he asks, "Where is it mom?" "Where is it?"
Is your child as stubborn and relentless as mine? He doesn't take no for an answer and certainly doesn't stop asking. "Mom, mom, mom, mom, MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYY". This is what he does all day long and sometimes just to spite him, I won't answer. I know it sounds mean but I can't take it and I just don't answer. He doesn't have anything to say and I think that he just likes to call my name to see if I will answer. Yesterday I picked him up from school as usual and he didn't want to go. Do you know how embarrassing it is when you show up at the end of the day and your kid starts crying and throwing a tantrum because he has to go home? The teachers are looking at you like, "Shit, she must beat his ass." My son is screaming so loud and kicking me and rolling on his back like a dog. I look up and smile at the kids and teachers watching this scene from afar. "Come on honey, we have to go home and see PaPa". My son replies with this, "NO, I HATE IT AND I DON'T WANT TO GO". "GO AWAY MAMA". This is when my blood starts to boil and the thoughts about why did I decide to have kids go through my head. I have to remind myself that I'm in a school yard with children and I do Yoga breaths. Again, in a calm voice I ask, "Honey, we have to go home now but we will come back tomorrow and play". My son replies, "NO" and he takes off running. A teacher will ask if I want them to chase him for me. Okay so here is when a mom has to decide what to do. I decide to pick him up and drag him out kicking and screaming to the car. He weighs no less than 37 pds and feels like a 100 when he's kicking and punching you. That's it, I tell myself...he is going to bed when he gets home. I have had it!
Later in the car on the way home from school, my son call out, "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mom, mom, mom, MOM, MOMMMMMMY". As you can see I was giving him the silent treatment. We drive into the driveway and he looks at me and says, "Sorry mom, please no bed". I forget all about what just happened at school and tell him, "Okay, just don't do it again". Am I crazy? Insane? Nanny 911 would be ashamed. Did I not remember what just happened at the school yard? My mother would tell me that I'm going to raise a serial killer and you know what...maybe I will. There are just some days where discipline is harder than working an 8 hour job. I wonder if anyone called about a job today? I will take the bird job at this point. Hmmm? Please don't tell my husband about this. He says I'm horrible when it comes to discipline. I guess there are some things that he can claim that he's better at and that just might be one.
Is your child as stubborn and relentless as mine? He doesn't take no for an answer and certainly doesn't stop asking. "Mom, mom, mom, mom, MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYY". This is what he does all day long and sometimes just to spite him, I won't answer. I know it sounds mean but I can't take it and I just don't answer. He doesn't have anything to say and I think that he just likes to call my name to see if I will answer. Yesterday I picked him up from school as usual and he didn't want to go. Do you know how embarrassing it is when you show up at the end of the day and your kid starts crying and throwing a tantrum because he has to go home? The teachers are looking at you like, "Shit, she must beat his ass." My son is screaming so loud and kicking me and rolling on his back like a dog. I look up and smile at the kids and teachers watching this scene from afar. "Come on honey, we have to go home and see PaPa". My son replies with this, "NO, I HATE IT AND I DON'T WANT TO GO". "GO AWAY MAMA". This is when my blood starts to boil and the thoughts about why did I decide to have kids go through my head. I have to remind myself that I'm in a school yard with children and I do Yoga breaths. Again, in a calm voice I ask, "Honey, we have to go home now but we will come back tomorrow and play". My son replies, "NO" and he takes off running. A teacher will ask if I want them to chase him for me. Okay so here is when a mom has to decide what to do. I decide to pick him up and drag him out kicking and screaming to the car. He weighs no less than 37 pds and feels like a 100 when he's kicking and punching you. That's it, I tell myself...he is going to bed when he gets home. I have had it!
Later in the car on the way home from school, my son call out, "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mom, mom, mom, MOM, MOMMMMMMY". As you can see I was giving him the silent treatment. We drive into the driveway and he looks at me and says, "Sorry mom, please no bed". I forget all about what just happened at school and tell him, "Okay, just don't do it again". Am I crazy? Insane? Nanny 911 would be ashamed. Did I not remember what just happened at the school yard? My mother would tell me that I'm going to raise a serial killer and you know what...maybe I will. There are just some days where discipline is harder than working an 8 hour job. I wonder if anyone called about a job today? I will take the bird job at this point. Hmmm? Please don't tell my husband about this. He says I'm horrible when it comes to discipline. I guess there are some things that he can claim that he's better at and that just might be one.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Little Helper
It was quiet in the backyard so I went out to check where my son was hiding. He had maybe been out riding his bike for two to three minutes in the backyard and now he was nowhere in sight. I called his name and he yelled, "Over here mommy in the poop". That is where the trouble began.
My son stood in our dog run or should I say, poop run. I had purchased the day before a pooper scooper to pick up the dog run so the dogs would stop eating their poop. If nothing is there then it's harder to get, right? Well, my son thought that he would help me out by going out to pick up the fresh poop himself. He had the scooper in hand but instead of scooping it with the shovel into the scooper, he was picking it up with his hand and placing it on the scooper. I wanted to cry and especially because I had no shoes on and knew that I would have to run inside for a minute to get my shoes on before attempting to step into the dog run. I screamed for him to come here and he yelled back, "No Mommy, I need to get the poop". He picked up another one and put it on the scooper and wiped his hands on his shirt. He then yelled out to me, "Mommy, I have poopie on my shoes". I screamed, "COME HERE". He just kept on picking up the poop. I made a run for the house and grabbed my thongs. I ran to the yard picked him up and he managed to smear his freshly covered poopie shoes all over my leg. I screamed again! This can't be happening...everyday it seems like I'm dealing with poop. We ran inside, threw off the shoes and ran for the bathtub. The entire time my son is touching me with his poop covered hands and I'm gagging from the smell.
Another day in paradise as my son and I soak away the poop in a fresh bubble bath. My husband walks in from work about that time and asks the famous question, "How was your guys day?" If he only knew!
My son stood in our dog run or should I say, poop run. I had purchased the day before a pooper scooper to pick up the dog run so the dogs would stop eating their poop. If nothing is there then it's harder to get, right? Well, my son thought that he would help me out by going out to pick up the fresh poop himself. He had the scooper in hand but instead of scooping it with the shovel into the scooper, he was picking it up with his hand and placing it on the scooper. I wanted to cry and especially because I had no shoes on and knew that I would have to run inside for a minute to get my shoes on before attempting to step into the dog run. I screamed for him to come here and he yelled back, "No Mommy, I need to get the poop". He picked up another one and put it on the scooper and wiped his hands on his shirt. He then yelled out to me, "Mommy, I have poopie on my shoes". I screamed, "COME HERE". He just kept on picking up the poop. I made a run for the house and grabbed my thongs. I ran to the yard picked him up and he managed to smear his freshly covered poopie shoes all over my leg. I screamed again! This can't be happening...everyday it seems like I'm dealing with poop. We ran inside, threw off the shoes and ran for the bathtub. The entire time my son is touching me with his poop covered hands and I'm gagging from the smell.
Another day in paradise as my son and I soak away the poop in a fresh bubble bath. My husband walks in from work about that time and asks the famous question, "How was your guys day?" If he only knew!
#2
Today we had a break through (kind of) with a #2 of the potty. It didn't exactly happen on it's own but I did see some grunting in the corner and ask the question, "Honey, do you have to poo poo?" I got the usual response, "NO". I quickly scooped him up and off to the potty we ran. We pulled down the undies and on to the potty seat. It was like a miracle happened! I heard the sound of little poops hitting the toilet. You wouldn't think this was such a big deal but for a mom it's a milestone. I might as well have been the one making the poop for him...I was proud! Gleaming with joy I started to scream, "YOU DID IT, YOU DID IT". He smiled and said, "Mom, Let me show you my poop". We both stood there and looked at it for a minute until I realized what we were doing and that another one might be coming behind it. I put him back on the potty and he pushed again and said, "Lets look at it again, Mommy". What do you do? Look at it...That's what you do. He stood up and we looked again and he gave me the high 5 (after we washed his hands) and it was over. The party started all over again. We went into the other room and there he stood waiting for the big POOP TREAT that I had promised. Shit, I didn't really have a poop treat. What do I do now? I thought quickly and remembered that I had a cupcake in the fridge. Now that is a BIG treat! I opened it up and there he was so proud with chocolate cupcake all over his face. He licked the last of the frosting and handed me the cake part to throw away...what a party!
A Potty Party
Last week as I was leaving swim class I overheard one of the mom's saying that she was going to have a potty party at her house over the weekend. Hmmm, is that what they call it these days...a party! I have to say that potty training at my house has been nothing like a party at all. I decided it was time to take a new approach. We would attempt the training again this weekend and we would too have a "POTTY PARTY".
The party got off to a rocky start with my son not wanting to be invited. We pulled out the big boy panties OR as my husband keeps reminding me, the underwear! It's hard to break old habits, I now know that it's important to not call your son's underwear "panties". That was just the first mistake I made. Next we pulled on the big boy undies and quickly heard the screams of, "I want my diapers back". Hmmm, not going so hot again. I quickly pulled out the card that I knew would get his attention, "Honey, you get num num's if you potty on the toilet". This did catch his attention but for the next hour all I heard was, "I WANT num num." He didn't want to use the potty but he did want the candy.
I attempted to set him up in the downstairs bathroom. I wish that someone was as nice to me. He had the convenience of a stepping stool, cushioned seat that fit his butt and fresh wipes in case we had #2. He sat down and checked it out and we waited in anticipation but NOTHING! Okay so we will try this party again later. The next time we did get some pee action and a smile came over him. He yelled out, "NUM NUM" before we were even off the toilet. As I was getting him down and helping him pull up his undies...he fell off the stool. I reached out to grab him and he slid to the side so I grabbed his side and pinched one of his balls (on accident of course). He screamed as he landed and hit his head. Ohhh NO! What had I done? He was looking at me like I just pushed him off a bridge. I smiled and tried not to panic and he told me that his pee pee hurt. Now my husband has always giving me the ball lecture and the pain it entails. I'm not sure if a two year old has any pain but I did feel extremely bad about it.
My husband came down and was ready for the potty party. I gave him the quick training and we were off. I went upstairs to get ready for the day and that is when I heard the screaming downstairs. I yelled down to see what happened and the party was over. My son was crying and my husband had a bottle of Miracle cleaner and a towel. Apparently he tried to take my son to the bathroom and he told him that he didn't have to go so he believed him and the accident happened moments later.
We put the big boy undies away for a while and I went to the store for the safer version of "training pants".
The party got off to a rocky start with my son not wanting to be invited. We pulled out the big boy panties OR as my husband keeps reminding me, the underwear! It's hard to break old habits, I now know that it's important to not call your son's underwear "panties". That was just the first mistake I made. Next we pulled on the big boy undies and quickly heard the screams of, "I want my diapers back". Hmmm, not going so hot again. I quickly pulled out the card that I knew would get his attention, "Honey, you get num num's if you potty on the toilet". This did catch his attention but for the next hour all I heard was, "I WANT num num." He didn't want to use the potty but he did want the candy.
I attempted to set him up in the downstairs bathroom. I wish that someone was as nice to me. He had the convenience of a stepping stool, cushioned seat that fit his butt and fresh wipes in case we had #2. He sat down and checked it out and we waited in anticipation but NOTHING! Okay so we will try this party again later. The next time we did get some pee action and a smile came over him. He yelled out, "NUM NUM" before we were even off the toilet. As I was getting him down and helping him pull up his undies...he fell off the stool. I reached out to grab him and he slid to the side so I grabbed his side and pinched one of his balls (on accident of course). He screamed as he landed and hit his head. Ohhh NO! What had I done? He was looking at me like I just pushed him off a bridge. I smiled and tried not to panic and he told me that his pee pee hurt. Now my husband has always giving me the ball lecture and the pain it entails. I'm not sure if a two year old has any pain but I did feel extremely bad about it.
My husband came down and was ready for the potty party. I gave him the quick training and we were off. I went upstairs to get ready for the day and that is when I heard the screaming downstairs. I yelled down to see what happened and the party was over. My son was crying and my husband had a bottle of Miracle cleaner and a towel. Apparently he tried to take my son to the bathroom and he told him that he didn't have to go so he believed him and the accident happened moments later.
We put the big boy undies away for a while and I went to the store for the safer version of "training pants".
Friday, July 07, 2006
Kids and Poop
What is it with kids and poop? It's like you experience poop in an entirely new way once you have children. They take you on a poop journey and it's not exactly one that you would have scheduled for yourself. My son is now at the ripe old age of two and thinks it's really funny to talk about poop and especially funny to fart out loud! I can't say that my husband also doesn't find this hilarious as well. Maybe it's a man thing?
Early in the day my son came into the house to tell me that his chest hurt. I asked him what happened outside to cause the pain. He just cried and told me it hurt. I asked him if he swallowed something outside and he thought for a minute and told me that he did. I screamed, "What did you eat?" He looked up at me and said, "Dog poop". I rinsed out his mouth and smelled his breath and it all seemed fine so we went on with our day.
What I'm about to tell you now could scare women everywhere into decided against having children. My son is in the early stages of potty training and still doesn't want to take the plunge into big boy pants and pooping in a real potty. He would much rather poop on the ground than jump up on a toilet and wait for the poop to come out and that is just what he did yesterday afternoon. I came outside seconds after changing him inside the house and he had ripped off his diapers and bent down to poop. When he had trouble getting it out he decided to do the butt scoot across the cement like a dog. I have to say that our two labs (who regularly eat poo) enjoyed the sentiment and waited for my son to finish. I on the other hand let out a blood curling scream and swept him up off the ground...bare butt and all! We ran up to jump in the bath and the next day we went back to wearing diapers. I might get the nerve up to try again next week. Please pray for us!
Early in the day my son came into the house to tell me that his chest hurt. I asked him what happened outside to cause the pain. He just cried and told me it hurt. I asked him if he swallowed something outside and he thought for a minute and told me that he did. I screamed, "What did you eat?" He looked up at me and said, "Dog poop". I rinsed out his mouth and smelled his breath and it all seemed fine so we went on with our day.
What I'm about to tell you now could scare women everywhere into decided against having children. My son is in the early stages of potty training and still doesn't want to take the plunge into big boy pants and pooping in a real potty. He would much rather poop on the ground than jump up on a toilet and wait for the poop to come out and that is just what he did yesterday afternoon. I came outside seconds after changing him inside the house and he had ripped off his diapers and bent down to poop. When he had trouble getting it out he decided to do the butt scoot across the cement like a dog. I have to say that our two labs (who regularly eat poo) enjoyed the sentiment and waited for my son to finish. I on the other hand let out a blood curling scream and swept him up off the ground...bare butt and all! We ran up to jump in the bath and the next day we went back to wearing diapers. I might get the nerve up to try again next week. Please pray for us!
Last Day of Swim Class
Ahhhh! It was the last day of swim class today but only to find out from the other mom's that a new session would be starting the following week. I was invited by the "in" mom's to attend the class. Hmmm, should I attempt it again and try to "fit in" or give up before something really embarrassing happens...oh too late!
My son was standing in the shower area as we walked in to get our towels and change our clothes. I got smart and decided to change him outside so we had less time in the women's locker room and that means less time for disaster to strike. I was wrong because even that short split second that we were in the locker room, my son found a way to add excitement to the day. He turned and ran back out to the pool area just as I took off my bathing suit and started to change. I didn't really have a choice since it was a matter of life and death with a pool involved. I ran out after him...naked! It was lucky that the cement was hot and he didn't get very far or I would have shown all of my small town my birthday suit. My husband still doesn't believe me! A mom has got to do what a mom has to do to protect her child and that's even if it means public humiliation for the rest of their life. It's the vow you take when entering motherhood. Oh and he did ask me on the way back in the locker room if I saw that woman's butt in front of us. Just another day at swim lessons. I guess I will take the weekend to decide if we can show our face there again next week for round 2 of swim lessons.
My son was standing in the shower area as we walked in to get our towels and change our clothes. I got smart and decided to change him outside so we had less time in the women's locker room and that means less time for disaster to strike. I was wrong because even that short split second that we were in the locker room, my son found a way to add excitement to the day. He turned and ran back out to the pool area just as I took off my bathing suit and started to change. I didn't really have a choice since it was a matter of life and death with a pool involved. I ran out after him...naked! It was lucky that the cement was hot and he didn't get very far or I would have shown all of my small town my birthday suit. My husband still doesn't believe me! A mom has got to do what a mom has to do to protect her child and that's even if it means public humiliation for the rest of their life. It's the vow you take when entering motherhood. Oh and he did ask me on the way back in the locker room if I saw that woman's butt in front of us. Just another day at swim lessons. I guess I will take the weekend to decide if we can show our face there again next week for round 2 of swim lessons.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Poopy Butt
Today was the second to the last day of swim lessons...Thank God! I don't know if I can take much more. Today we were in the locker room changing to go home and my son noticed the old woman across the room changing into her clothes. I looked over to see what he was staring at and started to panic. The old woman was completely naked and bending over to get her underwear on when my son yelled out, "Look Mama, that lady has a poopy butt". Okay I wasn't about to look over to see the expression on the woman's face but silence took over the room as he repeated himself and this time adding in an "EEEEEEWWWWWWHHHHHHH, that woman has a poopy butt". Those words echoed through the women's locker room as I started to panic and "shhh" my son. He began again as I tried to cover his mouth, "Ewwh, mommy look at that poopy butt over there". I quickly grabbed our bags and scooped up my son as I thought about the next day and how I would return to that gym after what just happened. Tomorrow I would wear a hat to workout and pray that nobody recognizes me...only one more swim class to go.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Another Day at Swim Class
I swear that my luck is going to have to change sooner or later. The hope is that I survive to see the change. I don't know if I can take another day of pure humiliation. I wonder if other mom's are experiencing the same misfortunes as I am and this leads me to Tuesday's swim class...
It was cold outside and we were running late as usual. I ran into the locker room to put my stuff in the locker and get out to the pool. I had to make the usual stop at the restroom and started to think of my plan of how to get my son to cooperate and come into the restroom with me. I made him the honorary towel holder while I quickly pee'd with one hand on the door so he wouldn't open it for all to see. It worked and we were out of there lickety split. I was impressed and so happy to have that run so smoothly that I guess I didn't notice that I brought a piece of the restroom out to the pool with me. Yes, I know that we have seen the skits on Saturday Night Live and performed them for friends, where you go out with your skirt tucked in your underwear and a toilet seat cover hanging from the back of your undies. Well, this time it wasn't a joke and I was unaware that anything so humiliating could happen to me once again.
I walked in my bathing suit past maybe 50 people in the pool (men, women, kids) with a toilet seat cover hanging out the back of my suit. Now even with a dress you can sort of hide the fact that your wearing a seat cover BUT with a bathing suit on...it really is pathetic. I finally noticed the sound of crinkling paper (you know how loud the tissue sounds when you pull it off the rack to put on the seat) and felt behind me to see where it was coming from. As I was bent over picking up my towel and my ass was pointing out towards the pool. I could hear some chuckles and a woman clear here throat as to let me know something was wrong. I however ignored the entire thing until the tissue made a noise and I felt something in my suit bottom. You see I was wearing a 2 piece bathing suit and the cover was stuck inside the top of the bottoms. It wasn't hanging low enough for me to see but it was there. I wanted to cry as I pulled it out of my suit and looked at what it was. MORTIFIED is the word that I would use! Needless to say, I stayed for the swim lesson where things only got worse.
The little girl from my son's daycare came over to say hi. She was showing us her new bathing suit. I told her that it was very cute and showed her that my son was also wearing a new bathing suit with the sharks from Nemo. I named my son's favorite shark which is Bruce. The little girl on the other hand thought that I said bruise. She yelled very loudly that she also had a bruise! Then she lifted up her little dress and pulled down her panties to show us her bruise right above her vagina. My son then yells out loud, "Look mama there's her butt". About this time her mom looks over and is probably wondering why the hell my son and I are staring at her daughters vagina. I almost left at this point. I laughed and politely told her that she should go put her bathing suit on for swim class.
My son jumped in the water and to my delight it wasn't as cold in the pool as it was outside of it. I thought that this was the lesson that my son would show off all of his newly discovered swim talents that he had been showing me all week in the pool at our house. He didn't think that he would cry and I certainly didn't think that he would choke me as hard as he had the past two classes. Well, I was wrong. He choked the shit out of me and at one point the swim instructor pointed at my top for the second time. She politely says to my son and out loud for all to see, "You shouldn't pull on your mommy's top because her boobies pop out". Okay, tell me that wasn't embarrassing enough. I looked down and sure enough my left breast was floating uncovered in the water. I wanted to die once again as I heard the laughter from the other mom's. The swim instructor made it even better by announcing, "It's okay, we all have seen enough boobies lately, I'm breastfeeding myself". What the hell did that mean? If you remember from another posting...the same thing happened at the first swim class. It's time to buy a new suit or invest in one of those wetsuits that all of the grandma's in the pool are wearing. Ahhh! Just another day at swim class...
It was cold outside and we were running late as usual. I ran into the locker room to put my stuff in the locker and get out to the pool. I had to make the usual stop at the restroom and started to think of my plan of how to get my son to cooperate and come into the restroom with me. I made him the honorary towel holder while I quickly pee'd with one hand on the door so he wouldn't open it for all to see. It worked and we were out of there lickety split. I was impressed and so happy to have that run so smoothly that I guess I didn't notice that I brought a piece of the restroom out to the pool with me. Yes, I know that we have seen the skits on Saturday Night Live and performed them for friends, where you go out with your skirt tucked in your underwear and a toilet seat cover hanging from the back of your undies. Well, this time it wasn't a joke and I was unaware that anything so humiliating could happen to me once again.
I walked in my bathing suit past maybe 50 people in the pool (men, women, kids) with a toilet seat cover hanging out the back of my suit. Now even with a dress you can sort of hide the fact that your wearing a seat cover BUT with a bathing suit on...it really is pathetic. I finally noticed the sound of crinkling paper (you know how loud the tissue sounds when you pull it off the rack to put on the seat) and felt behind me to see where it was coming from. As I was bent over picking up my towel and my ass was pointing out towards the pool. I could hear some chuckles and a woman clear here throat as to let me know something was wrong. I however ignored the entire thing until the tissue made a noise and I felt something in my suit bottom. You see I was wearing a 2 piece bathing suit and the cover was stuck inside the top of the bottoms. It wasn't hanging low enough for me to see but it was there. I wanted to cry as I pulled it out of my suit and looked at what it was. MORTIFIED is the word that I would use! Needless to say, I stayed for the swim lesson where things only got worse.
The little girl from my son's daycare came over to say hi. She was showing us her new bathing suit. I told her that it was very cute and showed her that my son was also wearing a new bathing suit with the sharks from Nemo. I named my son's favorite shark which is Bruce. The little girl on the other hand thought that I said bruise. She yelled very loudly that she also had a bruise! Then she lifted up her little dress and pulled down her panties to show us her bruise right above her vagina. My son then yells out loud, "Look mama there's her butt". About this time her mom looks over and is probably wondering why the hell my son and I are staring at her daughters vagina. I almost left at this point. I laughed and politely told her that she should go put her bathing suit on for swim class.
My son jumped in the water and to my delight it wasn't as cold in the pool as it was outside of it. I thought that this was the lesson that my son would show off all of his newly discovered swim talents that he had been showing me all week in the pool at our house. He didn't think that he would cry and I certainly didn't think that he would choke me as hard as he had the past two classes. Well, I was wrong. He choked the shit out of me and at one point the swim instructor pointed at my top for the second time. She politely says to my son and out loud for all to see, "You shouldn't pull on your mommy's top because her boobies pop out". Okay, tell me that wasn't embarrassing enough. I looked down and sure enough my left breast was floating uncovered in the water. I wanted to die once again as I heard the laughter from the other mom's. The swim instructor made it even better by announcing, "It's okay, we all have seen enough boobies lately, I'm breastfeeding myself". What the hell did that mean? If you remember from another posting...the same thing happened at the first swim class. It's time to buy a new suit or invest in one of those wetsuits that all of the grandma's in the pool are wearing. Ahhh! Just another day at swim class...
Monday, June 26, 2006
The Explosion
Okay never in my lifetime have I ever experienced something so nasty as the explosion my son had this weekend at a friends house. Yes, at a friends house! We were invited to a friends house for an evening BBQ and drinks. We haven't seen our friends in quite some time as they live a few hours from us. The BBQ was a great way to get to see everyone and since kids would be there it would be a perfect opportunity for our son to get in some playtime and my husband and I a few cocktails. Little did we know what was about to happen at this party would be a good lesson learned for all who attended. There is a moral to the story.
Once arriving at the BBQ bash I quickly popped a beer and looked over and my husband was doing the same. My son on the other hand was in the other cooler reaching for a juice box. At every party that I have ever attended with kids, the juice boxes are the life of the party. The problem is that at the age of two kids don't know the difference between drinking one juice box or twenty...It's all the same to them, FREE SUGAR! This happens to be my son's weakness, Num Num's or anything that contains sugar! Of course when you're at a party having a good time and living it up with friends, you don't worry about the sugar content. You figure that you're outside and they can run the sugar off and let the kid live a little. I mean you're having beer and enjoying yourself, why not the kids too? Well, I will tell you why.
My son was hanging out in the sandbox with the two older kids at the party (they were five) and I noticed that the kids were waving for my attention. I looked over and they were screaming that my son had just thrown sand all over them. I yelled over to him, "Don't throw sand or you will go in timeout." I took another chug of my beer and looked around to see if my husband was near. Again the kids came running over, "He did it again". Okay so I went back over there and a horrible smell started to blow pass my nose. Hmmm, he must have pooped so I picked him up kicking and screaming and carried him over to the house. He had sand all over his legs and arms and it looked as though it wasn't going to easily come off so I laid him down on the cement. I grabbed my diaper bag and thought about how he should be potty trained by now and what the hell was I doing changing a kid as big as me. After that thought, I pulled down his pants as he screamed that the cement was cutting his back and found that the poop wasn't exactly solid. In fact this poop was down his leg and dripping out of his pants (I hope your not eating dinner as you read this). I quickly grabbed about 20 wipes and started to cringe as I wiped up the liquid (no mother should have to clean up a mess like this on her own). I couldn't find my husband anywhere so I continued to juggle the diaper, the wipes and the diarrhea all on my own. Needless to say, it took me about 15 minutes to get the entire thing cleaned and under control.
Five beers later it was time for dinner and dessert. I went to look for my son, who I found in the house watching one of the older boys going pee. The older boy was screaming for him to get out of the room and my little one was laughing and yelling for me to come and see. I quickly grabbed him and told him that he should take lessons from that kid and start peeing on the toilet too. He just laughed and said, "Mommy, I love you too". Well, that wasn't quite what I said to him but it worked and I let him down to play in the yard.
My son didn't eat much of his dinner but wanted to try some of the cheesecake that my husband made for the party. I let him try it since his father did make it and was complaining that nobody was eating it. That was probably my biggest mistake that night besides not monitoring the juice box intake. I noticed that he was running off with another juice box and that would be about 5 juice boxes that I witnessed him actually sipping on.
The table was segregated into two sides, those who had children and those who were watching and deciding if they were ever going to have children. I think by the end of the day, my son sealed the deal for many of them...they all probably stopped at the store to buy condoms on the way home. They watched from their side of the deck as I wondered over to the small playhouse to see why my son was hunched down and not coming out. He seemed to be stuck in the house and waved at me when I asked him what was wrong. Little did I know what was about to happen! I rushed over to see what was going on and noticed that the other kids had kind of cleared out of the house and that is when the smell hit me. It was a cross between vomit and diarrhea. Maybe the worst smell I have experience in a long, long time! Yeah it was for sure the worst. I wondered if one of the kids had shit in the playhouse so I looked around but didn't see anything. I asked my son if he pooped his pants and he said, "Nope". Then he turned around and I noticed from the side that his shirt was soaked and I didn't remember anyone having water. As he slowly turned, I could see the chunks of poop hanging from his back and all the way to his hairline. I almost screamed! I panicked for a minute as I had never seen anything quite like it before. He was covered! I looked for my husband and then looked around at the faces of all the couples who didn't have kids and wondered how they would react to this scene. I went to the friend who's house we were at and told her that I might need some help. Again, no husband in site. Our friend quickly got all of the kids out of the playhouse and escorted me to the bathroom. I stopped to give the others a preview of motherhood at its best and I saw the faces turn as they saw the explosion up close. It was bad! I mean BAD!
Now looking back I think it would have been better to just hose the kid down in the yard before attempting to bring them into someone else's house but you do what's best at the moment. My son was fine after a bath and complete scrub down. I finally found my husband eating cheesecake in the backyard and told him the same story that I told you. He chuckled as my son ran past him all clean and ready for another juice box. I guess my lesson was learned that day to never ever mix cheesecake with 5-10 (who knows how many) juice boxes as it leads up to an experiment that nobody wants to have to deal with and especially at a friends house. It's all just part of the fun of being a mom.
Once arriving at the BBQ bash I quickly popped a beer and looked over and my husband was doing the same. My son on the other hand was in the other cooler reaching for a juice box. At every party that I have ever attended with kids, the juice boxes are the life of the party. The problem is that at the age of two kids don't know the difference between drinking one juice box or twenty...It's all the same to them, FREE SUGAR! This happens to be my son's weakness, Num Num's or anything that contains sugar! Of course when you're at a party having a good time and living it up with friends, you don't worry about the sugar content. You figure that you're outside and they can run the sugar off and let the kid live a little. I mean you're having beer and enjoying yourself, why not the kids too? Well, I will tell you why.
My son was hanging out in the sandbox with the two older kids at the party (they were five) and I noticed that the kids were waving for my attention. I looked over and they were screaming that my son had just thrown sand all over them. I yelled over to him, "Don't throw sand or you will go in timeout." I took another chug of my beer and looked around to see if my husband was near. Again the kids came running over, "He did it again". Okay so I went back over there and a horrible smell started to blow pass my nose. Hmmm, he must have pooped so I picked him up kicking and screaming and carried him over to the house. He had sand all over his legs and arms and it looked as though it wasn't going to easily come off so I laid him down on the cement. I grabbed my diaper bag and thought about how he should be potty trained by now and what the hell was I doing changing a kid as big as me. After that thought, I pulled down his pants as he screamed that the cement was cutting his back and found that the poop wasn't exactly solid. In fact this poop was down his leg and dripping out of his pants (I hope your not eating dinner as you read this). I quickly grabbed about 20 wipes and started to cringe as I wiped up the liquid (no mother should have to clean up a mess like this on her own). I couldn't find my husband anywhere so I continued to juggle the diaper, the wipes and the diarrhea all on my own. Needless to say, it took me about 15 minutes to get the entire thing cleaned and under control.
Five beers later it was time for dinner and dessert. I went to look for my son, who I found in the house watching one of the older boys going pee. The older boy was screaming for him to get out of the room and my little one was laughing and yelling for me to come and see. I quickly grabbed him and told him that he should take lessons from that kid and start peeing on the toilet too. He just laughed and said, "Mommy, I love you too". Well, that wasn't quite what I said to him but it worked and I let him down to play in the yard.
My son didn't eat much of his dinner but wanted to try some of the cheesecake that my husband made for the party. I let him try it since his father did make it and was complaining that nobody was eating it. That was probably my biggest mistake that night besides not monitoring the juice box intake. I noticed that he was running off with another juice box and that would be about 5 juice boxes that I witnessed him actually sipping on.
The table was segregated into two sides, those who had children and those who were watching and deciding if they were ever going to have children. I think by the end of the day, my son sealed the deal for many of them...they all probably stopped at the store to buy condoms on the way home. They watched from their side of the deck as I wondered over to the small playhouse to see why my son was hunched down and not coming out. He seemed to be stuck in the house and waved at me when I asked him what was wrong. Little did I know what was about to happen! I rushed over to see what was going on and noticed that the other kids had kind of cleared out of the house and that is when the smell hit me. It was a cross between vomit and diarrhea. Maybe the worst smell I have experience in a long, long time! Yeah it was for sure the worst. I wondered if one of the kids had shit in the playhouse so I looked around but didn't see anything. I asked my son if he pooped his pants and he said, "Nope". Then he turned around and I noticed from the side that his shirt was soaked and I didn't remember anyone having water. As he slowly turned, I could see the chunks of poop hanging from his back and all the way to his hairline. I almost screamed! I panicked for a minute as I had never seen anything quite like it before. He was covered! I looked for my husband and then looked around at the faces of all the couples who didn't have kids and wondered how they would react to this scene. I went to the friend who's house we were at and told her that I might need some help. Again, no husband in site. Our friend quickly got all of the kids out of the playhouse and escorted me to the bathroom. I stopped to give the others a preview of motherhood at its best and I saw the faces turn as they saw the explosion up close. It was bad! I mean BAD!
Now looking back I think it would have been better to just hose the kid down in the yard before attempting to bring them into someone else's house but you do what's best at the moment. My son was fine after a bath and complete scrub down. I finally found my husband eating cheesecake in the backyard and told him the same story that I told you. He chuckled as my son ran past him all clean and ready for another juice box. I guess my lesson was learned that day to never ever mix cheesecake with 5-10 (who knows how many) juice boxes as it leads up to an experiment that nobody wants to have to deal with and especially at a friends house. It's all just part of the fun of being a mom.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Dreaming of a Wiggle
Is it wrong that I find myself attracted to the blue Wiggle on the Disney Channel? My son watches the show before going down at night and sometimes in the mornings before school. I have to admit that I find myself sitting down with him and watching right along. Anthony (I know him by name), the blue Wiggle will come on and start singing "Dorothy the Dinosaur" or break into this side kick dance routine and I can't help daydreaming about him. What would he be like? Does my son think he's the best one out of the group? Hmmm, maybe I can get tickets to the show? I know it sounds crazy but then again I did watch the show, "The Monkeys" as a kid and really found Davie the cutest. Anthony kind of resembles Davie Jones...don't you think? Well, at least it's not Jeff! If you don't have kids or yours are grown then you might want to tune into the Disney channel at about 7:30 or so. I just might be in the audience dancing with my son. There are some positives to this stay at home stuff...you don't have to miss the Wiggles.
Bedtime
I use to brag to other mom's how my son wouldn't dare crawl out of his crib. Well, the other night it happened. He was given a timeout and sent to his bed because he didn't stay on the naughty mat. For those of you who don't watch "Nanny 911" you might not know of the naughty mat but that's okay because the shit doesn't really work most of the time. This happened to be one of those times. I didn't do what another mom once told me and that was to lock him inside his room with a key...now that I found a little odd. I threw him in his crib and told him to go to bed. Well, a few minutes later he was up and out. I about shit when I saw him come down the stairs. Are you kidding me? You got out! I was PISSED! From that night on it has been a constant up and down the stairs for weeks on end. We put him in and BOOM he is downstairs seconds later. He has a cute little smirk on his face and even sometimes he goes in his hat drawer and comes down dressed up for entertainment. I have to hold back the laughter and be firm with him. "Now you have to go back to bed". He smiles and says, "I Love you Mommy". You tell him that you love him too then I pick him up to take him to bed and he kicks me and gives me a raspberry. Now the nanny show tells you to be consistent and keep taking him back to bed and don't talk to him. Your conscience tell you to beat his ass and chain him to the bed. You see after climbing the stairs up and down for an hour...it really starts to wear on you. I try to think positive about all the calories that I just burned and God knows I need it. I scream out, "I deserve a break"! Nope, there are no breaks for parents...your voice gets loud, your flushed and then the yelling at each other that it's their turn to throw his ass back in bed. I guess that is when the fights really start and your patience really starts to go. Hmmm, I can't wait for bedtime tonight.
Well, better go now, it's bathtime and I can't get him inside to take a bath. He's outside digging a hole in the dirt and throwing the extra dirt on the dogs head. I'm sitting inside writing this to you and grinning from the anticipation of dragging him kicking and screaming out of the dirt and upstairs where I hand him off to my husband for bathtime. Then we can both come downstairs and get ready for the bedtime ritual and the fight that we will have when it's all over with...ahhhh, I love being a mom!
Well, better go now, it's bathtime and I can't get him inside to take a bath. He's outside digging a hole in the dirt and throwing the extra dirt on the dogs head. I'm sitting inside writing this to you and grinning from the anticipation of dragging him kicking and screaming out of the dirt and upstairs where I hand him off to my husband for bathtime. Then we can both come downstairs and get ready for the bedtime ritual and the fight that we will have when it's all over with...ahhhh, I love being a mom!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)