A Trip to the Doctor

I've become the stay at home mom that I NEVER wanted to be.

This is how my day went today...my son wakes up and screams my name. I run in and get him to find him covered in urine. I clean him up and decide that I should take him to a Magic show at the library where he picks up some girls straw and shoves it down his throat. Needless to say that we left shortly after that. Next we rush to the Chiropractor (my back went out after spending all my time at the gym and lifting my son) and my son decides to throw a full fit in the office over not getting his 3rd piece of candy. The office is full of old women who can't take it and leave the building. He breaks the rolling machine that I'm enjoying and who knows how much it costs? He dumps my purse out on the floor, opens the door to the office and runs up and down the hallway screaming (the kid is LOUD). He clears the waiting room and I start to panic and give him timeout which makes him burst into a screaming tantrum and he rips down the not so expensive quilt hanging on the wall and throws it on the floor. He grabs the garbage can and empties it next to my purse and laughs hysterically. I lose control and pick him up to beat his ass and he punches me in the face. I'm about to cry and the doctor tells me that I don't have to stay for the massage work and I don't have to come back in for another few weeks (I was coming every 2 days until I brought him with me). I throw him in the car screaming and get home where I rush him up to bed. This is where he is now and I'm having a beer writing this to you. This is my new life... HELP!