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Friday, June 23, 2006

Thongs

My son woke up today and decided that he had his mind made up and that he was going to wear his thongs. We tried the thongs once before but it didn't quite work so well since he couldn't keep them on his feet. Everytime the thong comes off he runs to ask me to put it back on. It literally drives me crazy. I had him at the park last time and he dropped bubbles all in his wagon which got on his foot which made the thongs slip off of his feet. He fell and cried about every two steps but his stubbornness made him try and try again. We finally left the park with cut up knees, tanbark splinters and no thongs!

Well, he wore those thongs again today and I've decided that NEVER again will he wear them out in public. It started with him slipping them off in the car and then asking me to put them back on. He NEVER asks my husband to do anything, it's always "M-O-M-M-Y". He is very loud which I think I mentioned before but I don't know if you quite understand how loud he is. People get up and move or leave when he's in the room...that loud! You can imagine how loud that is in a car with the windows rolled up. Might I add that we don't go to the library anymore because of this. He doesn't understand the concept of a "whisper". He started yelling at me in the car to put on his shoes, "MOMMY, GET MY SHOES AND PUT THEM ON MY FEET" I try to ignore it but it just gets louder.

We got to the car dealership (where we were going in our thongs) and when we let him out of the car he shuffled through the parking lot with his thongs on. He clearly doesn't know how to walk in them and it took us about 1/2 hour to get from the car to inside the building and back. We were only about 10 feet away. I was losing my patience fast so I finally picked him up and he screamed.

We ended up at Costco and I thought that this wasn't going to work because we would be walking and the thong issue would happen all over again. We decided to put him inside the cart and the way that we do this is to bribe him. Yes, I know that parents say they don't do this but we do whatever works at the moment so we aren't completely embarrassed and never asked to return again. Costco is always an easy one because there is food everywhere and he likes Num Num's. As we entered the snack frenzy started and muffins were lined up one by one. He was okay with staying in the cart and eating chocolate muffins (hell, who wouldn't be) and then he starts to scream. I'm thinking, what now? He tells me, "Look MAMA, there are bugs everywhere". I look down and he is sitting in the shopping cart on top of about 1000 ants. They start to cover his leg and he is jumping in the cart and screaming and I'm screaming trying to wipe them off of him. Where you ask is my husband? Well, good question, I sent him off to get another muffin and he must have gotten lost walking down the electronics aisle dreaming of a new 50 ft television for our 10 ft space.

I quickly ran the shopping cart out of the building and told the guy at the front who checks cards that we have to exchange the cart for one without ants. He laughs (hell, it's not his kid) and we throw thongs and all into a new cart and start the trip over again. Sure enough my husband comes out of the TV aisle to greet us with a muffin in hand. Now it's off to get the 3 things we came for and are sure to leave with 20 extra things in tow. That is why I hate Costco...you never leave with less than $300 worth of stuff that you will throw away because you can't eat it before it spoils. The other $300 worth of stuff is clothes that you won't wear, books that you never read, gadgets that you try once and candy that you consume immediately and have to join a gym to get rid of. It's a nightmare but we keep going back weekly. I believe it's my son's favorite place to eat. He begs people as our cart goes by for samples and seems to work his charm everytime. He's full by the time we leave and we save about $2 not having to feed him. It clearly makes up for the $600 that we spent on shit we didn't need.

The main problem is that once my son is in the cart and done with eating...he wants out! He wants to walk with aisles of Costco by himself. If you go to Costco on a Saturday or Sunday then you know how packed it is and how crazy people get trying to get their free samples of chocolate chip cookies or brownies. They will form a line to get them and my son get buried in a crowd of fat asses. This particular time was the worst because he had those damn thongs on. He shuffled from aisle to aisle with me yelling for him to hurry up the entire time. My husband was done shopping and we were still trying to get up the drink aisle. My son saw my husband as we walked by and decided to break into a shuffle run in his thongs. I ran behind him and in a matter of seconds the thong fell off and he hit the pavement. I vowed NEVER again to let those thongs leave the house.

I finally picked up my son put him back in the shopping cart and off we went for the car. My husband paid the cashier as usual while I went to get us a drink. He told me to get a smoothie for my son and a latte for him. That Smoothie will forever be remembered as the blueberries in the shake ended up on the backseat of the car floor and all over my husbands CD player. We still aren't sure if it works and I have to say that he kept his thongs on and didn't spill one drop on them. He was pretty proud of that.

It was off to the mall next and we knew this would be a challenge but I lost my cell phone for the 3rd time and needed a new one. My son shuffled out of the car with his blueberry shake all over his shirt and shorts. We planned on buying him new clothes when we got inside. That plan didn't last long as he shuffled through the women's department of Macy's crying and stopping every 2 minutes to slip his thongs back on his feet. He tried to jump on the escalator but I caught him just in time and before he lost his thong going down. My husband picked him up screaming and we went to get the phone. We put our name in and 2 minutes later my son was running through the store with thongs off (kicked them off in Macy's) and pulling phone accessories off the walls with a chuckle. He had the usual talking to and told us that he would be good but 2 minutes later he was back in action. Later as my husband pulled him kicking and screaming out of the store, I could hear his voice yelling, "I WANT MY M-O-M-M-Y". I smiled and pretended not to hear him as the salesman assured me that he needed a good long nap. I smiled and nodded. My husband was still outside of Macy's when I came out with my new phone and all of the people who were sitting on the bench by the store when we went in were now on the other side of the mall on a new bench...do you blame them?

The thongs have now been retired to the top of our swing outside. A place where my son will never look because he can't see that high up. I hope that he never asks to wear them again and when he does...those thongs will be so small that we will have to buy a new pair. This time the thongs will have a strap on the heel and when he's mastered those at 16 then he can buy his own pair as an adult. I'm done with it!

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